February 1, 2012

You know the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, or at least I hope you do, but do you know about the “license to bully” bill and the transphobic bathroom bill?

The license to bully bill, or HB 1153 changes the definition of “harassment, intimidation, and bullying.” It keeps the important parts that include acts that “have the effect of: (1) Physically harming a student or damaging a student’s property; (2) Knowingly placing a student in reasonable fear of physical harm to the student or damage to the student’s property; or (3) Creating a hostile educational environment.”

BUT it changes what the last part means. “’Creating a hostile educational environment’ shall not be construed to include discomfort and unpleasantness that can accompany the expression of a viewpoint or belief that is unpopular, not shared by other students, or not shared by teachers or school officials.”

In other words, if a student tells another student that they are going to Hell because they are gay, this would not be construed as “creating a hostile education environment.” The utter despair that the student may feel was not caused by harassment but rather an “unpopular” belief. And to an extent, other students, teachers, and school officials are discouraged from supporting the gay student, because despite what they may say, the original statement isn’t considered intimidation or bullying.

In addition to changing the definition of “harassment, intimidation, and bullying,” the proposed bill would keep schools from defining “harassment, intimidation, and bullying” in their school policies completely. Also, another addition to the policy would be as follows: “The policy shall not be construed or interpreted to infringe upon the First Amendment rights of students and shall not prohibit their expression of religious, philosophical, or political views; provided, that such expression does not include a threat of physical harm to a student or damage to a student’s property.”

This one part could actually be turned against those with anti-LGBTQ agendas. For instance, if I wanted to tell that student with the anti-gay remark that they’re wrong, that God loves everyone, that God sees no sexual identity or gender expression, and that God wouldn’t send a gay student to Hell, I could do that. Why? Because I was expressing my religion of love, my philosophy of acceptance, and my political view of peace.

Right now there is a section of law that encourages the creation of “harassment, intimidation or bullying prevention task forces, programs, and other initiatives involving school employees, students, administrators, volunteers, parents, guardians, law enforcement, and community representatives.” HOWEVER, this bill would add the following: “Harassment, intimidation, or bullying prevention task forces, programs, and other initiatives formed by school districts, including any curriculum adopted for such purposes, shall not include materials or training that explicitly or implicitly promote a political agenda, make the characteristics of the victim the focus rather than the conduct of the person engaged in harassment, intimidation, or bullying, or teach or suggest that certain beliefs or viewpoints are discriminatory when an act or practice based on such belief or viewpoint is not a discriminatory practice as defined in 4-21-102(4).”

So the task forces cannot center on or educate others about the LGBTQIA community because that might be “promoting a political agenda” or “making the characteristics of the victim the focus.” How would they enforce this? Does that mean that a group centered around a religion is not allowed? Or centered around a race/ ethnic background? This bill is in line with the “don’t say gay” bill in that they are both trying to limit what teachers and school officials can do to support their LGBTQI students.

The transphobic bathroom bill is just as absurd. SB 2282 says: “Except as provided in § 68-15-303, where a restroom or dressing room in a public building is designated for use by members of one particular sex, only members of that particular sex shall be permitted to use that restroom or dressing room. A violation of subsection is a Class C misdemeanor punishable by a to a fine of fifty dollars ($50.00).”

Sex is to be determined by our birth certificates. Of course, this is used in Tennessee, the ONLY state that does not allow its citizens to change the sex on their birth certificate for any reason. But the real question is: how will this be beneficial? State Representative Richard Floyd believes that he is protecting his wife and children from transwomen and cross-dressers.

I have never heard of a case of a transwoman or transman or cross-dresser harming someone in a bathroom or dressing room. Just a little while ago I went into the men’s dressing rooms to help my male friend try on dresses that he had picked out. Is TJMaxx going to check my birth certificate next time I do that? Or will they just go ahead and fine me the $50.00 because I appear to be a female?

Not angered enough? Please go to LGBTQ Nation and read more about this bill and what Rep. Floyd has to say about transgender people: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2012/01/tennessee-legislature-introduces-transphobic-bathroom-bill/?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

January 1, 2012

Legalized Marriage = Better Health?

 Need another reason for the legalization of gay marriage? How about better health for gays and bisexuals? A study done by the American Public Health Association has concluded that “Policies that confer protections to same-sex couples may be effective in reducing health care use and costs among sexual minority men. (Am J Public Health. Published online ahead of print December 15, 2011: e1-e7. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2011.300382)”
Read More: http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.2011.300382

 In Massachusetts over 1,200 gay and bisexual men were studied during the 12 months preceding the 2003 legalization of same-sex marriage in the state, and then the same men were studied during the 12 months following the legalization. The study focused on the men’s need for medical and mental healthcare, and the researchers found that after legalization of same-sex marriage, there was a statistically significant decrease in medical care visits, mental health care visits, and mental health care costs, as compared to before the legalization. They further found that these results were not affected by the relationship status of these men.

The acknowledgement by one’s state that they are equal, deserving human beings led to “a reduction in blood pressure problems, depression and “adjustment disorders,” which could be the result of reduced stress, researchers said.”

Read More: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/12/study-gay-men-lead-happier-healthier-lives-where-gay-marriage-is-legal/?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

Wow, that is incredible.

Ciao for now,

D

November 7, 2011

Kiss and Make-up

 Kasey Landrum, 16, goes to Lexington High School in Henderson County. He also happens to be a gay teenager who likes to wear make-up. But these two minor details caused him a three-day in-school suspension, courtesy of his principal, Steve Lindsey. When Lindsey saw Landrum wearing make-up after school, he confronted him and told him to go inside. A fellow student observed the confrontation and stood up for Landrum. She was given a one-day in-school suspension. Landrum’s mother, Shelly Maness, has also been standing up for her son and isn’t backing down.

 The Henderson County Superintendent, Steve Wilkinson, backed the principal by stating that Lindsey had the authority to reprimand Landrum, based on a violation of Lexington High School’s dress code: “When a student is attired in a manner, which is likely to cause disruption or interference with normal operation of the school, the administration will take the appropriate action. In matters of opinion, the judgment of the teachers and administrators will prevail.” (Or, as my partner puts it: “That basically means that they can do anything.”) Wilkinson said: “I don’t know what kind of disruption it may have caused or may not have caused.”

 Landrum didn’t see where it caused any disruption; actually he said he felt support from his fellow students and teachers. The same day Landrum was suspended, he said that a fellow student was wearing “punk rock” style makeup but felt no discourse. Landrum: “He had it on all day, so I was like if he can do it so can I.” This wasn’t the first time that Landrum was confronted; it happened at an earlier football game. Even though Maness is supportive of her son, no matter what, Landrum still says that he feels depressed and misses classes because of it.

 You can go to LGBTQNation and learn more: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/11/gay-high-school-student-says-he-was-suspended-for-wearing-make-up/?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

 As an update: The Tennessee Equality Project reports they have spoken with Kasey’s mom, who stated the principal on Thursday reversed Kasey’s suspension, reversed his decision and that any student is now allowed to wear makeup.

 Ciao for now,

D

October 24, 2011

Tennessee: Come On and Come Out

 Schools should be safe havens for students of all ages to come, learn, and grow. But there are certain people who are trying to hold their students back from becoming comfortable in their school environment. There has been a movement at Northeast Tennessee State Community College to establish a Gay and Straight Alliance. Unfortunately, despite following the guidelines and working hard, the leaders of that movement are being held back.

 The same is true at Sequoyah High School in Madisonville, Tennessee. The school officials slowing the progress claim that it’s disturbing the students’ educational environment. A petition was started for the GSA, and in turn, a petition was started against the GSA. The students attempting to start the high school GSA, led mainly by Nathan Carroll, are having a hard time finding a faculty sponsor.

 Carroll was threatened with suspension, and the principal, Maurice Moser, allegedly assaulted one of the students. That student, Chris Sigler, was wearing a shirt in support of the GSA. In an update last week, I found out that students are now allowed to wear T-shirts in support of the GSA. The American Civil Liberties Union and the ACLU of Tennessee demanded that the Monroe County Board of Education revise its policies.

 You can find out more information on LGBTQ Nation:

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/09/tennessee-hs-student-threatened-with-suspension-for-attempting-to-start-gsa/

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/tennessee-principal-assaults-student-for-wearing-pro-gay-t-shirt/

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/tn-school-will-allow-students-to-wear-t-shirts-promoting-gay-straight-alliance/

 Churches should also be a safe haven for followers of every age to partake in a loving, supportive community. Especially when you are related to the clergy. Not so for Jerry Pitman Jr. and his boyfriend, Dustin Lee. Jerry’s own father and name-sake allegedly led attacks on the couple after church. Jerry’s uncle and other deacons were a part of the attack. Pittman Sr. has also been charged with theft from a local business; the local business was his wife’s business.

 You can find out more information on LGBTQ Nation:

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/assault-complaint-filed-by-gay-couple-attacked-for-attending-church-service/

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/pastor-accused-of-attack-on-gay-son-now-facing-theft-charges/

 A friend of mine, who works in one of Tennessee’s public schools, wanted to know what was going on with the “Don’t Say Gay Bill,” where lawmakers are attempting to keep anything other than heterosexuality out of our kindergarten through 8th grade classrooms. The bill was introduced by Sen. Stacey Campfield (R-Knoxville) and has been passed in the Senate, after much revision. The House has decided not to vote on the bill until next year.

 You can find out more information on Tennessee General Assembly:

http://wapp.capitol.tn.gov/apps/BillInfo/Default.aspx?BillNumber=SB0049

 On a side note, and a more personal update… My co-worker (the one who would have witnessed to the first gay/lesbian person she met) made a straight/gay joke Friday. Every day I appreciate the small and huge steps that my co-workers are making. I hope that you also acknowledge the good that is happening around you. I could not be where I am today without the support of my straight allies.

 Ciao for now,

D

October 10, 2011

Ch- Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes

 The weather is changing. The air is getting cooler, and the leaves are turning colors and falling. So, why can’t we change too? Is there something you’ve wanted to do or say but haven’t yet? Well, now is the time. Coming Out Day is Tuesday. You’ve been putting it off, but it’s the perfect time to come out to (or to tell off) that certain person. Your parent, your best friend, your classmate, your boss, or even your pet. Don’t make excuses. Just do it.

 In college I was working with a group of classmates, and one in particular got on my very last nerve. He always put others down, tried to make them feel stupid, and made side comments that made my hair stand on end. One day he was talking about how he was going to have to miss a group meeting because of an event with his fraternity that was “so gay.” I snapped. I turned on him and said (too loudly for a library), “I don’t think your fraternity has a sexual orientation, do you?!” He just sat there and looked at me. So I continued. “You may think it’s stupid, but that doesn’t mean you should use ‘gay’ to describe it.”

 No one said a word. We went on with our meeting, but later that week several of my other group members thanked me for having the guts to finally say something to him. Teachers and classmates were letting him get away with saying awful things; they had been holding back. It actually gave me the opportunity to talk to some of the other group members about being a part of the LGBTQIA community. And there are others around you who are waiting for someone to say something to those close-minded, hateful people. So, be that someone. Be that someone that stands up to them and lets them know that it’s not okay to use “gay “ for stupid or to make fun of a person’s gender expression.

 Once one of us starts it, other will join in. Alone, we may not make much of a difference, but together we can make the changes happen. There are so many brave LGBTQIA individuals who have gone before us and marked the path to better changes. Don’t let what they did go to waste.

 Do you have a coming out story? I would love to hear it! Please email me at: Dana.M.Cea@gmail.com (put “Coming Out Story” in the subject). You don’t have to use your name if you don’t want to. Use your initials, or a fake name, or just a letter. And if anyone in the story might not want their name known, do the same for them. I might even pick a few to use in my upcoming blog posts.

 Hope to see you Tuesday, October 11, 2011 at ETSU’s Coming Out Day Ceremony and Candlelight Vigil. 7:00pm to 10:00pm at ETSU’s Amphitheatre.

 Ciao for now,

D

September 26, 2011

The Good News:

            As of last Tuesday, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) has been repealed. That had to be one of the most pointless pieces of legislation to ever have been passed. The reason that it was written was to keep gays and lesbians out of our military. Obviously, that did not work. Actually, it caused highly intelligent and hardworking people to either get kicked out of the military or for them to refuse to join the military. It also caused our country to look close-minded and dumb. Rachel Maddow of MSNBC’s The Rachel Maddow Show asked her viewers to let her know what signs of the world ending they saw after the repeal. Obviously, nothing extraordinary was reported.

 The Bad News:

            As of last Saturday, Jamey Rodemeyer was laid to rest after he committed suicide. The 14-year-old was inspired by Lady Gaga to record a video for the “It Gets Better” project. In it he spoke about how his friends were very accepting when he came out. He encouraged everyone to hold their heads up, and they’ll go far. He says, “Love yourself and you’re set.” Despite his moving words, he was bullied in middle school and in high school, and it led him to take his own life.

 More Good News:

            The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is next. Yet another pointless piece of legislation; it keeps gay and lesbian couples from receiving the federal benefits we deserve. It promotes bullying by undermining our relationships and the commitments we make to each other as a couple. But after the repeal of DADT, DOMA has come under more intense fire. In a speech I saw given by Jennifer Beals (Bette Porter in The L Word), she talks about how she hopes that one day her daughter will look back and say, “Wow, there was really a time when lesbians and gays couldn’t marry? That’s crazy!”

 Don’t let the constant bad news get you down. Search out the good news and then put more emphasis on it than the bad. At the last PFLAG (Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) meeting I met some amazing people, who have great stories to tell. The room was full of support and love. If you feel down, get involved in something like PFLAG. The National Coming Out Day is happening on ETSU’s campus again this year. Come join us on Tuesday October 11^th at 7:00pm at the ETSU Amphitheater. It will get better. It has to get better. But we all need to make it better, together.

Ciao for now,

D

September 12, 2011

Gone But Not Forgotten

 This past weekend two anniversaries passed: 10 years since the World Trade Center towers fell and 1 year since the death of 15-year-old Billy Lucas. When the towers fell, I was young and confused. It was hard to wrap my mind around what was happening. It was an intensely sad time, and the losses are still felt today. I feel for the people who were helpless inside the towers, and I am touched by the courage that was shown by the people who responded to help in any way they could.

 

After Billy committed suicide 1 year ago, around 15 other young adults were known to have committed suicide because they were harassed with anti-LGBTQ slurs. I think most of us can remember a time when we were picked on, whether it dealt with anti-LGBTQ slurs or for another reason. I personally felt for Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old freshman at Rutgers University, who committed suicide after his roommate and another freshman videoed him with another young man and then posted it online. College is a hard, stressful time without also having to deal with insensitive roommates.

 

When I was starting college, I was also starting my first relationship with a young woman. I wasn’t out, but my roommates caught on to the relationship. I’m not sure why that intimidated them, but they began to harass me both directly and indirectly. Comments were made, pictures were drawn on the living room white board, and eventually threats were left on my voicemail. I ignored it as long as I could, but eventually I had to have my friends and parents help me move out to another building.

 

I wish that I had been active in my college’s LGBTQ group on campus. When I transferred to another college, halfway through my sophomore year, I joined in the activities of its Sexuality and Gender Alliance, which was where I met my current partner. I encourage everyone to join their school’s alliance and/or their local chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). ETSU has LGBTies, Northeast State Community College is working on starting a group, our community has Northeast Tennessee Pride and a local PFLAG, and our area has High Country Pride.

 

I have recently talked about the support I have received, but some of us are not getting the support we need. So, reach out: find these groups online, join their newsletters, and go to the events! At the end of last month, I was interviewed for our local news about how the census showed Johnson City as 5^th in Tennessee for the number of same-sex couples living there. I wanted to show everyone that we are just like everyone else. The LGBTQ community works hard, at work, at school, at home, and in the local community. Let’s take some time this week to remember the anniversaries that passed this weekend. We lost too many lives when the towers fell, we’ve lost too many lives in the war that followed, and we’ve lost too many lives due to hatred towards our LGBTQ community.

 

Ciao for now,

D

August 29, 2011

A Truly Queer Family

Some people have a hard time coming out to their family, and some people find their biggest support in their family. Fortunately, I have received a lot of support from my family. I wasn’t the first one to come out (one of my uncles was gay-he passed away from AIDS- and one of my aunts is gay), and everyone is very understanding.

My mom worried about my safety, and as it ended up, with good reason. However, I feel that those negative experiences have made me stronger and more self-assured. And from that I think she has realized that I can handle close-minded people. My Grammy was wary of my first girlfriend, and as it turned out, with good reason. However, she loves and supports me no matter what; just as she did her children. And she has accepted my partner into our family as if she had been there all along.

My Dad actually did a reversal on the coming out story that you hear most people tell (no he didn’t come out to me). He took me fishing one day, and normally these are quiet trips, where we focus more on the fish, the bait, and the lines than talking. However, this time he broke the silence with, “Why does your Grammy think that I don’t know that you’re gay?” My response was, “Well, Dad, because I hadn’t told you yet.” And that was that. There have been times when he’s called my phone, just to ask for my partner.

Sometimes, however, parents “do not understand” how their child could have feelings for another person of the same sex. But I challenge those parents, who remember their first love and how it feels to be in love, to imagine how it would feel if their own parents did not accept their love and felt that it was “wrong,” “weird,” “sinful,” “immoral,” etc.

While my grandmother is as straight as I am queer, she had this experience with her first and only love, my grandfather. She was Irish, and he was Italian, and nothing else mattered. “Not even the fact that he was a Catholic too!” Grammy will emphasize. My Grammy’s mom did not want them to be together, which meant that they sneaked around and lied to their parents about being together. I believe this is one of the reasons that my Grammy is so accepting of me and my queer relationship; because she was once in my shoes.

Unfortunately, some family members don’t have the best reaction when they first learn that their child is part of the LGBTQIA community. My partner’s family has really done a turnaround in the 3+ years that we have been together. I think that all they needed was time, and also to meet me and get to know me. My partner’s mom just recently liked the Montgomery-Duban Family, who will give $10,000 to the NOH8 campaign if they receive 100,000 likes before September 1^st. I encourage you to like them too!

So, come out at work, come out to your family, come out to everyone. As Ellen DeGeneres’s mom, Betty, said in her book Love, Ellen, let everyone know and enjoy the real you, the whole you. Don’t let them miss out.

Ciao for now,

D

August 15, 2011

Witnessing a Coming Out Story

 I came out for the first time in middle school, before I even knew that I was a lesbian. It was after a sex education class with a nun. There was a lot to think about. I clearly remember my pre-teen self turning to another teacher a few hours later and saying, “I’m never going to have sex with guys.” I also clearly remember my teacher responding with, “I used to feel the same way when I was your age, but it was just a phase. You’ll see.”

 Actually, it wasn’t just a phase, and I’ve held true to that statement. Over the years I’ve come out to many more people. The ones that I was closest to weren’t really surprised. My friends have been a great source of strength, and I’m pretty sure my family likes my partner more than they like me. I’ve also been out at every job that I’ve held, from working at a restaurant to working at an intimate apparel store.

 Recently, I came out at my newest job at an insurance office. It was early in the morning before we opened on my third day there. My coworkers were talking about how one of their preachers had discussed being gay as a sin. She wasn’t sure that she felt that way and wanted to see what our other coworker thought. Coworker #2 said that her preacher had also discussed being gay as a sin and that it was pretty “cut and dry” in the bible. Coworker #1 said that she wasn’t sure that it was as “cut and dry” as the preachers were saying, and that she wouldn’t treat a gay person any different. Coworker #2 said that she had read the parts of the bible that said being gay was a sin and that she would try to witness to a gay person if she ever met one.

 Coworker #1 then turned to me and asked, “What do you think? What would you do?”

 The whole time I had been saying to myself, “If they ask you, just come out.” So, I did. I answered, “Well, I’m gay.” After their initial shock, I explained that I felt that no one really knows exactly what God wants, and that I focus on doing what I feel is right. Coworker #1 apologized for bringing up the subject, but I told her that only by talking about it can we all understand and appreciate each other.

 And I truly believe this for everyone (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, intersexed, and allied). If we don’t come out, how are people going to know that we are all human and probably more boring and normal than they perceive us? We are their bank tellers, their librarians, their teachers, their lawyers, their babysitters, their cashiers, their waitresses, their engineers, their mail carriers, their doctors, their coaches, their accountants, their neighbors, their church members, their politicians.

 For me, every time I come out I feel as if I yelled it. When I told my coworkers, “Well, I’m gay,” it sounded like a shout to my ears. I know that it wasn’t, but I look forward to the day when coming out isn’t even an issue. My coworkers have continued to be just as genuinely nice to me as they were before I came out. They ask about my partner and dogs just like I ask about their husbands and children. They haven’t tried to witness to me, and actually they have been accepting and respectful of my non-religious status.

 I encourage everyone to come out; as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, intersexed, allied. You will find that most people won’t react how you may think they will; actually, I’ve found that most people don’t even care once it’s been said. I’m not saying that everyone will be accepting; I have dealt with threats from close-minded people first hand. But how else will we help to open those closed minds, except by coming out?

August 1, 2011

Same-sex couples can now get legally married in New York. While this is a huge accomplishment, we are still too far away from truly having equal rights here in the United States of America, the “home of the free.”

 

On July 4^th, I semi-jokingly posted my Facebook status as “Thinking about ignoring Independence Day until I can get married and my future kids can say ‘gay’ in school without controversy.” One of my straight friends sarcastically commented “All you have to do is travel to a state where it is legal and get married there. Of course then you’ll have to move there for it to be recognized legally. No biggie… One of these days maybe the government won’t tell people who we can legally love.” I commented back that even if I did that, the federal government wouldn’t recognize the marriage, so we wouldn’t have federal rights, like taxes. One of my other friends also commented about how the LGBTQ community doesn’t have the same protection rights when it comes to work safety and the safety of their kids in school. My first friend, while an ally, had no idea. Let’s not get too caught up in the excitement of marriage in New York and forget the big hurdles we still have to face.

 

A lot of people are excited about same-sex marriage in New York because they believe that this means that more states will legalize same-sex marriage and that the federal government will as well. Yet, just last week there was a fear that North Carolina lawmakers would push to hear a proposed anti-LGBT amendment that would ban legal recognition for same-sex marriages. And California has not been able to get rid of Proposition 8 (which reversed the previous decision to legalize same-sex marriage in the state). Plus the fact that same-sex couples can be legally married in the same place where the decision to federally legalize same-sex marriages has yet to be made (Washington D.C.).

 

I’ve read that there are over 1,000 benefits that heterosexual couples are receiving but that are denied to homosexual couples. If I had read that there was just ONE benefit that was being denied human beings because of their sexual orientation, I would say that is too many. All of this isn’t about any agenda; this is about all human beings having the same opportunities, rights, and benefits. Multiracial marriages were once illegal in Tennessee. Obviously, that part of legislation has been omitted. Should that give us hope that the same will happen for same-sex marriage?

 

Ciao for now,

D